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Question

 

Gramps,

I came from a highly abusive family. My husband came from a mentally abusive family. We are trying to create for our children a spiritually strong family that Heavenly Father wants us to and that we never had. However, the in-laws on both sides are demanding and controlling of us and our children. Sometimes down right abusive. We have moved away from my husband’s family which has helped but my mother lives with us as I am the only child and my father died years ago. I have tried to talk to her about her behavior to me and the children, but she only reacts negatively. I need to focus on my own family, and it is nearly impossible with her living with us. So my question is, even though we must love our extended families, what amount of loyalty must be extended to them when they are abusive?

Ginger

 

Answer

 

Ginger,

Christ commands us to forgive and to be loving to all of our brothers and sisters.

However, your first duties and responsibilities are to God and your family. Loyalty is a trait that describes “standing with someone or for someone”. I don’t think that’s what you mean in this context.

Yes, we must honor our parents for all the good they have given us. We should honor them by observing their weaknesses and not perpetuating that weakness in ourselves and onto the next generation.

As far as your own situation, I might recommend family counseling. Start by going yourself, and then bring your husband and your mother over time. Sometimes parents don’t take counsel from their children very well, and may need someone to help ease the communication process between you.

 

Gramps

 

 

 

 

 

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