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There is much written about and included in talks regarding sexual promiscuity and pornography. Rarely is the topic of a sexless marriage addressed. Physical intimacy helps bind a marriage and without it usually one of the partners suffers. I don’t want to spend time and all eternity in such a relationship. What is the church’s stance on sexless marriages?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

The church teaches that each individual person is to work to become more Christ-like, and in a marriage the husband and wife are to help each other, support each other, and be there for one another. Normally this also includes having and raising kids. However when you get older like I am, that is no longer really an issue, but being there for each other still is.

Mormon-MarriageHaving taught these principals the church is not going to go any farther. It will not mandate or recommend how often a couple should be having sex.

In most people, sex is a fundamental drive, which the Lord has commanded only to be used with the person that you a married to. However, how strong this drive can vary, alot. In cases of mismatches it then requires self-control and compassion from both sides to come to an acceptable compromise.

Sexless marriages are less common, and can pose a problem if only one partner is ok with it. In most of these cases you are looking at a medical or psychological issues. Or it could be a sign of other problems in the marriage manifesting in withdrawal from each other. In any case if you find yourself in a sexless marriage you should work with compassion, understanding, and patience to work through the issues.

If you are dating and seriously considering marriage, you both need to be talking to each other about what your expectations for marriage are. There are many things that should be covered in these discussions, sex is one of them.

Find out what your partner understandings of the purpose of sex, and the attitudes toward sex that they were exposed to while growing up. If the attitude is more along the lines that sex is dirty and must only be endured to have kids… We then that could be taken as a warning sign that there are potential issues that your partner might need help working through. Being a victim of sexual abuse is also something that can cause issues that take time and lots of effort to work through.

Gramps

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