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Gramps,

I am LDS but have been married to a nonmember for over half of my life.  He can be very verbally and emotionally abusive with me.  He has been fighting cancer for over ten years which is just one of the reasons we are still married.  I also love him and feel obligated to be there for him.  My question is….even though I love him I do not want to spend eternity with him.  If he passes before me, will I still be with him throughout eternity?

Tammy

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Answer

 

Dear Tammy,

I’m sorry to hear that you are unhappy in your marriage.  I’m sure the Lord is pleased with your kindness and charity in helping him through the cancer.

I know it is easy to say and frustrating to hear, but I will say it anyway . . . try not to worry about the future.  There is so much we don’t know, but what I do know is that if you were yoked with someone you weren’t happy with, could that really be called heaven?  No.  The Lord is not going to put you in a position to be eternally unhappy.  The scriptures testify of this.  I like the way Earl C. Tingey explained this in a BYU Speech:

“The outstanding feature of this pattern and plan is that you may experience eternal joy. Remember Lehi’s statement in 2 Nephi: “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25).” The Simple Truths from Heaven – The Lord’s Plan

I’m also reminded of the book The Peacegiver by James Ferrell.  That book has a lot of insight about finding peace through the atonement.  On the book jacket it says, “What does the atonement mean, practically speaking?  How is Christ the answer to a strained relationship with a spouse, child, parent or sibling?  What if I am being mistreated–how can the atonement help me cope with that? . . .These are the challenging, difficult questions of daily life, questions to which the gospel must provide answers if it is to have a living, cleansing, redeeming power. ”  I think you would find much that is helpful in this book.

 

Gramps

 

 

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